Ontological Shock
Once you’ve seen the void, part of it comes back with you forever.
I've been fascinated with the concept of existential uncertainty lately.
Claudio Naranjo, inventor of the Enneagram, calls it the "ontic void" — a loss of clear awareness of the nature of one's own being.
The Japanese have a term for this, too. Mumyo means obscurity, lack of clarity, or an absence of clear awareness.
Psychology textbooks call it a "disruption of fundamental axioms."
Whatever you want to call it, the progression into full-fledged ontological shock is the same.
Ontological shock happens when our foundational beliefs about who we are and our place within the universe unravel, leaving us exposed to the void. It's a dizzying and disorienting experience, but ultimately an important catalyst for profound growth and understanding.
It all starts with the ego.
The ego creates a picture of reality that conforms with one's lived experiences.
I know that I am "me," and You are "you." I know that objects and people exist independently of me and that time flows in a linear direction.
Simple stuff.
Zen Buddhism points out that the picture our ego creates for us is an illusion. Mayoi refers to the state of being lost in the illusions and attachments of the world, which obscures the true nature of existence and the self.
Psychologists believe this fabricated reality the ego crafts for us serves an important purpose. It helps cut the noise and allows us to exist in a world infinitely more complex than our human minds could possibly comprehend.
The practice of meditation is intended to help cut through this illusion to awaken us from the dream of ordinary perception and guide us into the realization of emptiness (Sunyata) and the interconnectedness of all things.
This is the path to enlightenment according to the Zen Buddhist tradition.
All of this sounds great on paper, but the process of uncovering illusion is inherently painful. It demands a steady flow of existential uncertainty to creep into our awareness. Sometimes it comes flowing in faster than we can cope with.
Near-death experiences, diagnosis with a terminal illness, deep meditation, and strong psychedelic drugs can all shatter the delicate facade imposed by our ego in an instant — leading to radical and polarizing shifts in one's understanding of the universe and our relationship to it.
Any such challenge to one's worldview inundates the mind with a swirling vortex awe and terror.
When the scale is tipped towards awe, the user experiences a state of euphoria and peace. These experiences are more aligned with the idea of Satori (snippets of enlightenment and awakening).
When the scale tips towards terror, the user experiences a state of shock. These experiences are aligned with the idea of spiritual dread and exsistential crisis.
It's not always so straightforward, either. While the void could be glittering at its peak, it could feel like a bottomless pit the morning after.
“Visions More Real Than Real Life”
Of all the psychedelic explorations I’ve had in my life, nothing stands out as having caused a more profound shift in my worldview than an experience I had with salvia about 10 years ago.
It was an experience so bizarre I refused to talk about it for many years. After a while, I started sharing my experience with others and was shocked by how many others had similar stories.
During the trip, I left my body and was sucked into a crushing void. I was scared and tried to escape but was inevitably swallowed by the abyss.
When I came out the other side, reality was like nothing I've ever seen before. It even had different laws of physics. Yet there was something about this strange place that felt even more real than reality itself.
It felt like I had just woke up from a dream — only the dream was my regular reality. My identity, my friends, my family, and all my hopes and aspirations were nothing but a hallucination.
This experience shattered my view of reality and left me with a gnawing feeling of existential uncertainty lasting months after the trip.
What the hell was that? Did I catch a glimpse of the real real world and what I’m living now is merely a vivid dream? Will I “wake up” in that place again after I die? What is the meaning of that terrifying void?
Big questions. No answers.
Up until this point I only had one frame of reference for what it meant to exist. This experience challenged my understanding of reality in a deeply unsettling way.
I kept myself preoccupied with other things. But every once in a while this creeping sensation of the void would linger over my shoulders. It would remind me that there’s more to reality than I could ever understand.
This profound experience changed the way I think about the world and what it means to be conscious it in a big way — but it was far from a unique experience.
A study published in 2020 surveyed people who reported encounters with "entities" after taking DMT. Researchers found that 81% of users reported the experience to feel "more real than reality."
Existence is Deeply Strange
What I've come to realize, many years after this experience, is that the nature of reality is incomprehensible.
There are things going on that we're simply unable to understand.
Exploring the mind through psychedelics or dedicated meditation practice doesn't allow us to understand the "secret sauce" of existence — but they can certainly give us a glimpse of it.
They help us see just enough to realize how absurd our very existence is and how little we truly know about ourselves and the world around us.
Here's where Zen Buddhism comes in.
Zen teaches that the more we try to find answers to the mysteries of existence, the further we get from the answer. The paradox is that we should still try to understand — but with the expectation that we’re going to fail.
Only once the mind has exhausted itself through sincere effort and surrendered completely to failure can we even come close to comprehending the true essence of being.
Zen Buddhism, Preparedness, & Ontological Shock
Swiss psychologist Carl Jung was intimately aware of the seriousness of ontological shock, especially in the context of psychedelics.
He left us with an ominous warning to "beware of unearned wisdom."
What Jung was suggesting was that if you don't do the leg work and learn to swim before jumping into the deep end of the pool — you shouldn't be surprised if you can't handle where you end up.
Taking strong psychedelics like DMT, ayahuasca, salvia, psilocybin, or LSD is like jumping into the deep end of the existential pool.
People who have taken the steps to question their existence beforehand are more likely to ride the wave of awe rather than succumb to the depths of terror and delusion.
In Zen Buddhism, the practice of mindfulness and meditation is encouraged as a means to prepare oneself for whatever reality exists beyond the ego's construction. The lesson is that we must face the void with equanimity and without attachment. Clinging to the experience, to our version of reality, or to expectations of any kind leads to turmoil, terror, and ontological suffering.
As Tibetan Buddhist Master, Dudjom Rinpoche, once said:
"If you see anything horrible, don't cling to it; if you see anything beautiful, don't cling to it."
Zen Koans
Here’s a collection of Zen koans relate to the ontic void, ontological shock, and the radical shift in worldview.
Pop-Culture Examples of Ontological Shock
Here are some examples of ontological shock in pop culture I felt were relevant here — basically a collection of movie scenes where someone is being completely mind-fucked by a deep and unsettling realization about their perceived reality.
⚠️⚠️ Spoiler Alert! ⚠️⚠️
1. Dr. Strange (2016) | Open Your Eyes
In this moment, Dr. Stephen Strange, a highly skilled but arrogant surgeon whose identity is deeply tied to his professional success and scientific skepticism, is suddenly confronted with dimensions and possibilities that completely shatter his previously held materialistic worldview. This revelation forces him to question the very nature of reality, his place within it, and the limits of what he believed to be possible.
2. Westworld (2016–Present) | James Delos Mind Uploaded
This is from the HBO series Westworld.
In this scene, Jame Delos (who owns the park), had his mind uploaded to a computer and placed inside a robot body after he died.
Upon realizing that, not only has he died and been turned into a robot, he's also been through the exact same conversation hundreds of times already. He also learns his wife is long dead — just to add a cherry on top.
A total mind fuck.
As soon as his mind registers his predicament, it becomes unstable — unable to grasp reality. The robot must now be destroyed or else spiral into utter madness.
3. The Matrix (1999) | Neo Takes the Red Pill
In The Matrix, Neo discovers that his entire reality is a simulated construct designed to subdue humanity while the real world lies in ruins. This realization forces him to question the nature of existence itself.
4. Fight Club (1999) | Becoming Tyler Durden
In "Fight Club," the Narrator discovers that Tyler Durden, whom he believed to be a separate, rebellious friend and the co-founder of Fight Club, is actually a figment of his own imagination — a dissociated part of his psyche.
This revelation shatters the Narrator's understanding of his own identity and reality as he realizes that the radical actions and philosophies attributed to Tyler were, in fact, his own expressions of deep-seated dissatisfaction with the world.
5. The Truman Show (1998)
Truman Burbank experiences ontological shock when he gradually discovers that his entire life is a fabricated reality — broadcasted 24/7 to the entire world as a reality TV show.
Every aspect of his life, including his family, friends, and the town of Seahaven, is part of an elaborate set controlled by the show's creator, Christof.
This revelation propels Truman on a quest for truth and autonomy, challenging him to break free from the artificial confines of the show and seek the real world beyond.
all of that resonated with my experiences also. Terence McKenna said once you smoke DMT once, you can go back there under certain circumstances, and that's been the case with my experience also. I have never forgotten that nor the ayahuasca ceremonies. Alan Watts said “If you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope, he goes away and works on what he has seen.”
Great Piece!
I have the luck of having gone down philosophical rabbitholes since my teens before taking psychedelics.
I had an experience of VOID on 3g mushrooms once.
It felt like the most peaceful and calming experience of nothingness... vacation in VOID.
A 5meO DMT experience on the other hand, ripped me appart,let me experience all the pain in the world at once and tossed me into the abyss.
Crawling back up I had an intense thirst to go deeper.
Took me on a 7 years underworld journey this one. I think I am getting to the lupe of integrating it in. A meaningful way this one.
With Psychedelics you get the cheatcodes, but they are a wild card, espeacially if you do have a rigid ego eimprint.
Btw : I offer Cosmic Custumer Care support on a give what you care exchange base every 5ft and 23rd of the month and we stream a radio show where you can call in to share your stories and have a chat with the cats to help with collective sensemaking on Das Y Radio.
Its an ermerging radio format to start building local care networks and peer to peer support psychedelic adventurers. We stream on Twitch and You Tube at the moment. Hit me up for the link if you feel curious or need support to integrate.